Sunrise at Mesa Arch

Monday, November 23,

Here’s how my day began…

Grumpy, tired, visual migraine obstructing my vision.

No apples left (gotta go to the store tonight).

Shower.

Clothes.

Maybe watching sunrise will help.

6 miles of driving and ¼ mile of walking and I arrive at Mesa Arch.

Oh great…there’s a crowd.

Screw the arch. Everyone’s got a picture of that. I’m gonna find my own spot.

One drop of sunlight.

The world awakes.

I’m taken back to sunrises on the shores of Lake Michigan... 

...to sunrises at Bryce Canyon...

...and know from now on I’ll remember this sunrise in particular.

The crowds disperse, and I find my way to a vantage under the arch. 

When they said this may be the most perfect photo op in the desert southwest, they weren’t kidding. The way lit sandstone frames Washerwoman Arch and Monster Tower...like it was planned that way. 

Potholes on the White Rim sparkle.

Sandstone layers recall ice layers I’ve seen coat rocks on the shores of Lake Michigan. 

Interesting.

I only remember to look back in the other direction when I walk back to my car...

...but vow afterward to watch sunrise from many different vantage points. On the other side of sunrise I see new shapes and colors that are hidden in the shadows of afternoon and evening.

Morning shadows shrink away and reveal other treasures...

And I drive home through fields of jeweled grass.

In a place like this, big space, great distance, and deep time are on full display.

It’s sometimes easy to forget the small, the close, and the fleeting.

Somewhere along the way I also forgot that I was grumpy.

Thank you.

Bryce 2015: Day 2, sunrise

The sun appears,
Silhouetting a tabled horizon
Fringed in virga.

Roving crepuscular spotlights
Burnish cliffs of white, and yellow
...and mottled slopes of tangerine.

Clouds yawn,
And a blush of emerald blooms
Amid the desert shadows
To bow beneath the specter
Of a sleeping giant.

Nostalgia

There's a beautiful clear sky this morning...waning crescent moon in between fast fading "stars" Saturn and Mars. It'll be a nice sunrise. Too bad the wind chill is -19.

It makes me miss Chicago. On a day like today I'd already have my layers on and would be speed walking down to the shore of Lake Michigan for a daily-sunrise photo session. 

It might've looked something like this...

Otherworldly

Spring Quarter

It's a blustery first day of spring quarter.

I missed sunrise...just barely...and it's a shame 'cause I could see the whole sky lit up with red and purple when I walked out of my apartment building. I'm sure the event was spectacular. I wish I had been there, but I'm also glad I slept in as late (5:53 am) as I did...

I've got one main goal this quarter:

DO A RECITAL SO I CAN GRADUATE!!!!!

Of course I have other classes I'll need to pass, I'm going to play as well as I can in orchestra, excerpt class (yup, looks like I made it in again), solo class, performance practice, and lessons, and I'm gonna try to make some spare change here and there (a gig or two and more science experiments), but if I don't pull off a recital, I'm kind of sunk.

I hope to broadcast it live again--I'll keep you posted.

MY EPOD!

Today I am the featured photographer on EPOD! (by now my page has been archived. You can still see it HERE) They've used a picture I took of Lake Michigan at sunrise last year and wrote about in my blog here.

Enjoy!

Crepuscular rays

A new website I've been paying attention to these days is EPOD: the Earth Science Picture of the Day. It's an especially nice companion to APOD (Astronomy Picture of the Day), and features photos of everything from interesting geological formations to refracting spider webs.

Crepuscular rays (sometimes called "God rays") come up pretty frequently on the site. Not only are they beautiful to look at, but they have a simple and fascinating explanation as well.

This morning there were some nice ones over Lake Michigan...

I guess these are more subtle than most you usually see on inspirational book covers and stuff, but look closely and they are still gorgeous.

Sigh

Today's sunrise was foggy and vague. It looked just about how I felt.

I didn't have a great night last night. A naive and unfortunate miscalculation on my part caused me to let down a lot of people whom I had intensely wanted to please. I went to bed trying to battle away feelings that I've never belonged in Chicago, and that because I have continued to struggle in my efforts to leave a positive impression of myself and my abilities with people I've encountered since coming here, there's no way I could ever hope to stay and make any sort of reasonable living.

I felt jinxed. I felt like there was some sort of tangible entity working to prevent me from representing myself well. I was too angry to cry and too embarrassed to relax and move on accepting that I'd just made a mistake...that everyone makes mistakes from time to time...and that the one I made last night is destined to eventually fade into the background just like everything else I worry too much about.

Some of these thoughts were still swimming around in my head when I made it to the lake shore this morning...though maybe their edge had been dulled a bit by a good night of sleep.

I think the lake is actually quite beautiful on days like today. I watched the water lap and fold over the top of a shallow sand bar feeling as blank and numb as the gray sky above...


I let my eyes relax and fade off into the indistinct distance...tried to find the horizon line as it faded in and out just beyond the realm of easy perception...listened for the sun's muted sheen reflected over the quiet waves...

...and marveled at finely-drawn patterns in the sand that danced and shimmered like an optical illusion...

Sigh...life goes on.

Late riser

Man...I am TIRED!

I've got so much going on these days that my mind feels totally wasted and sluggish. I slept in a little late this morning, but caught a few photos of the rising sun through some morning fog.

I intended to post these sooner, but my day has been frantic.

Sunrise was spectacular this morning.

Enjoy...

Dawn Mirage

I've just begun my day-long job as "door monitor" for the NOI auditions taking place today at NU. Can you believe it...I'm getting paid $12 per hour to sit in Regenstein's front lobby, let people in the front door, give them directions to the practice/audition rooms, and then let them into the practice room area. Oh...and I had to post signs around the building to label all these spots as well. So far a total of 6 people have arrived and that includes the actual auditioner and one parent. About 30 people are expected to audition between now and 4:00 pm and as I await their arrivals I've got this post to write, a book to read, a CV to tweak, and maybe some music or podcasts to listen to if I start to get really bored.

In order to be able to get all my practicing in today, I arrived at Regenstein a few minutes before it opened at 7:00, and as an added bonus I got to watch the sun come up...something I haven't really done in a while.

The coolest thing I noticed this morning was a striking mirage that stretched between the water and a layer of clouds way off over the distant horizon.

...woo hoo! auditioners # 7 and 8 just arrived. I'm workin' hard I tell ya!

ANYWAY...

Here are the pictures I took...

And a non-zoomed-in shot of the whole scene...

More good news. I landed a couple more jobs for this week and next.

Brace yourselves...

I'm going to babysit for one of the doctoral trumpet students and his wife so they can treat themselves to a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, and then again for another date the following week. I realized after I agreed to help them out that I don't know how old their daughter is. From a previous get-to-know-you chit-chatting session think I remember him saying she was 2...or maybe 3...hmm...I guess I'll have to ask him later.

When I was a teenager I tried my hand at babysitting in the neighborhood. I was terrible at it. I was so shy at the time that I was usually even scared of the kids I was watching, and if someone's baby started crying and I couldn't get him/her to stop, I usually became so flummoxed that I'd start to cry too. I'm still not all that great with kids--especially babies. I have a terrible time figuring out what to do with them and I'm still pretty intimidated by their smallness and fragility.

My trumpet friend said they'd put their daughter to bed before I arrive and that all I'd have to do was be around to monitor things and make sure everything stays safe and sound. Though I'm a little nervous and already trying to plan my how-to-be-good-with-a-child strategy, the promise of earning a little extra money is keeping me in the "I can do this" mindset.

I can do this...whew...

UFF DA

We had a NASTY blizzard last night. Not much snow--maybe a half an inch or so--but the wind!!! UFF DA!!!!!

This morning a departing bank of clouds took center stage above the lake...

It's funny that I still label these occasional morning pictures "daily sunrise." They seem to get more occasional as the days go by. This has been true lately for a couple of reasons. First, as we've had an unusually mild winter this year, the lake hasn't been quite as bizarrely picturesque as it was last year. Without massive ice flows and stretches of sub-zero temperatures that unpredictably change the lake's surface from a frozen tundra to a gigantic mirror within the space of a day or two, I've been a little less inclined to lose sleep in order to make the sunrise.

Second, I've been insanely busy these days finding ways to both hold on to the few pennies I still possess (though I already live so frugally it's difficult to find anything else to cut), and seek out ways to earn more of them. I've been in panic mode because unless I find a regular source of income--even a small one--I'm going to go broke before the end of the school year. In addition to taking part in as many research studies as I possibly can ($6 here and $6 there helps a little) I've submitted countless applications for every entry-level no-brainer job I can think of, still without any luck. The main problem as far as I can tell is that everyone is looking for someone who is outgoing, gregarious, sociable, and "fun", and as I complete the personality-assessment portions of job applications I can't claim to possess those traits and still honestly answer the question that inevitably comes up later on the page, "Do you sometimes lie to make yourself look better?"

About a week ago I heard about a new book just out that looks like it addresses my predicament head on. Quiet by Susan Cain explores the difficulties that natural introverts, like myself, encounter both when applying for jobs and then later as they try to survive within today's typical work environments. Here's an excerpt from an NPR interview about the book that spoke so well to my past and current experiences that it gave me goosebumps:

"We moved from what cultural historians call a culture of character to a culture of personality. During the culture of character, what was important was the good deeds that you performed when nobody was looking...But at the turn of the century, when we moved into this culture of personality, suddenly what was admired was to be magnetic and charismatic."

Here's a link to an excerpt from the book if you are further interested.

Though I haven't read more than the excerpt above, I gather that her argument is not that extroversion is bad and introversion is good, but rather that our current culture is unhealthily imbalanced to favor those who work well in open sociable environments, while those who operate more effectively in calmer spaces and perform well as individuals are shut out or struggle as they are forced to conform to an ideal that grates on their nature. I'm interested in reading more. Hopefully the book will come to my local library soon!

Anyway, though I've been thus far discouraged in my search, I've made it a point to do at least one thing per day that will either get me some cash in the short term or further my prospects for making money in the future. I finally put my name into the NU "gig referral service," I apply for every local part-time job I might qualify for as soon as I hear about it, I have an appointment with the NU career office on Monday to have my resumés evaluated and go through a list of questions I've typed up about how I can set myself up for a measure of success in the days, months, and years to come, I contacted a faculty member from the NU art department who gave me a list of places I can go to see about exhibiting and/or selling some of my art, I'm becoming a research-subject-pro and have signed up to be a "healthy control" for a number of upcoming medical studies--though when or if they'll call me is iffy (and no mom, these do not involve me taking any medication...I would never put my body through that kind of madness), I'VE GOT A JOB TOMORROW making $12 per hour for 7 hours helping out with an audition that's taking place on campus, there's one really great (but temporary) job I hope to apply for that's been getting ALL my extra energy at the moment (more on that later if my application comes together well), and I obsessively check Musical Chairs for any new audition listings from around the globe that are advertised there.

Fortunately I DO have an Easter gig (yay!), I DO have one final loan disbursement that I'll get at the beginning of next quarter (whew!), and I DO have a summer job lined up (I'll be a music librarian at the good ol' IMC again!), so all is not lost...there are a few short-term helps on the way.

So anyway, I hope you can forgive my having disappeared from the radar lately. I'm doing my best.

Mushrooms on ice

Not REAL mushrooms...of course...

Surfers are insane

Today dawned clear and cold.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

As I walked to school, wind chills in the single digits made my limbs throb beneath layers of clothing, and waves of heavily slushed water rolled arduously to shore beneath the barely-warming light of the morning sun.

So imagine my shock and awe when I noticed these guys out in the water...

Don't see anything? Let me zoom in a bit for you...

That's right. There are a couple of surfers out in Lake Michigan in the middle of January trying to catch a slushy wave.

WOW!

That's all I can say.

The Topography of Drifted Snow

Last night's sky was clear as a bell.

After finishing my evening practice I stood beside the lake for a few minutes and watched Orion rise above the horizon. I remembered the times I'd sat at a telescope on my back porch in Holladay and sketched its most famous nebula (resulting image at left)--and how I used to be able to watch it rise above Mount Olympus through my bedroom window...the hunter's starry extremities embracing its peak like the wings of a butterfly.

The wind was howling ferociously, and I thought to myself: how odd to be surrounded by drifting snow in such a gale and still be able to see the starry sky...

This morning I marveled at the sculpturesque landscapes left behind after all the blowing...

These snowy formations near the lake shore were not unlike geographical ones I'd observed in Utah's southern deserts. As I explored their sprawling ridges I could imagine myself flying high above a desolate white-sanded landscape...

I've got no classes today and will finally be able to devote a few blissful hours to a drawing I've been working on in bits and pieces all week. An art contest for all current music students was announced a while back and of course I've got my eyes on the prize. The winner's work will be featured on the postcards NU sends out to droves of prospective students in order to advertise its music program. Though there is no monetary award, it would still be thrilling to see my credited work distributed so widely. I finished sketching out the basic idea last night and have an ambitious amount of detailed pen and pencil work still ahead...keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Today was supposed to be a rather gray and foggy one--even rainy if you can believe it--perfect for holing up inside and being creative. However, things so far haven't been nearly so bleak. I guess I'll be getting some sun on my skin after all...